He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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