Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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