I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Pooping to opera.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
