If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
