Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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