You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
