quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
