My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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