Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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