Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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