she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
