today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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