I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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