He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So vagazzling was a success
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
