"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
