where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
