I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
