I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize