4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize