I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
