clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Congratulations! We have a period
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize