i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
