The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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