Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
