i permit you to call me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
wow bdsm is so cute
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