hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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