Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
