I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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