Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
