he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
