Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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