i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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