I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
