So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
