1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
