If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
