it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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