Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
