i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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