I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize