I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
