Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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