My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
