Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
