I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize