she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In other news, I just burned my penis
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
