I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
