I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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