This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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