Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
