I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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