May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
