i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
