Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
