Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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