And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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