he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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