I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
