Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
