I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
