Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
