I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
