i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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