make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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