She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
