dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
