Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
