Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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