Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
