evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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