Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
