the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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